What it means
by Neko11
Summary: Now there was no one he could call 'nii-chan', even though there used to be two of them around him. That's what it meant to lose a brother; behind he left a void that couldn't be refilled by anyone. Who was Luffy supposed to follow now? Whom could he look up to, whom could he chase if he knew there wasn't his big brother somewhere in this world anymore? Set before Dressrosa.


**Just some stuff I wrote because I was feeling like it. **

**Hope you like it ;)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece.**

**YXYXYXYXYXYXY**

**What it means **

Sometimes, Luffy just broke down. It only happened in those quiet, rather peaceful moments when Luffy got too much time to think about stuff he shouldn't. When he gazed up at the sky at night, he couldn't help but remember how three little boys watched shooting stars together and wished for eternal freedom in their reach.

He didn't want anyone of his crew to see him, and he was sure they were unaware of it. He didn't want to bother them; he was supposed to be strong after those two years. After all, if he wavered, whom should they trust in?

Luffy sighed and scratched at his scar absent-mindly. Somehow, he felt a bit lonely.

Since Luffy was seven, he'd always followed Ace and Sabo around. He was the youngest one of three, of course he was never in front of them but always behind. Even though he didn't mind, since it had always given him the ambition to catch up with them.

But now they're gone so... whom was he supposed to follow? His dreams and ambitions? Yes, sure, but at the moment he wanted a brother and not a dream.

**-Y-y-Y-y-**

He'd thought he could always reach him. It was a foolish thought, but Luffy had matured greatly since then and he knew of life and death now. It wasn't a matter of words and promises, but of circumstances and encounters.

Sabo had died long ago, and Ace had passed away as well. Funny, Luffy mused, it's funny how he got stronger and stronger but still couldn't follow Ace to the place where he was now.

No one he could look up to anymore. He still had Shanks, his idol but Shanks... Shanks was his guardian, his lifesaver, his friend... but not his brother.

Shanks didn't watch him sleep, he didn't protect him from bandits or made sure he brushed his teeth every day. He didn't, _couldn't_ watch him grow up like Ace did. Shanks gave him his dream, but Ace taught him how to be free.

Shanks didn't know Sabo or the pain of losing him.

After Sabo was gone, Luffy only shared his meals with Ace. They hunted together, trained, stole things, fought, ran and laughed and lived. They were crying and never wasting one second of their precious lives, since it was the only thing they could do. Keep on going, keep on running.

It were hard times, and it were fun times. Even though with all those hardships, Luffy wouldn't want to miss them. Ace had been with him, and it had changed so much. As long as he wasn't alone, as he had someone to push him forward, everything was okay.

Of course Luffy still had his crew now. After those two years of unspoken sorrow, Luffy had this familiar warmth around him back. The training was important to keep on going, but the strawhat boy was glad it was over. For everything he did, or tried to archive, he couldn't do it without the eight people he'd shared around him.

**YxYxYxY**

There had been a time when Luffy thought he couldn't go on without his inspiration who died in his very arms. He finally learned he had to do things on his own, in his own way and not impersonate someone else who would never come back. He had decisions to make, paths to choose and fight for himself and his friends – without Ace somewhere in this world.

He didn't have anyone to share these great memories with now – no _'hey do you remember when_ _Dadan-?'_, or '_You used to do that all the time when we were kids!'_ and so on. It were his own memories, and no one else's anymore.

And of course, there was no one to call 'nii-chan', even though there used to be two of them around him. That's what it meant to lose a brother; behind he left a void that couldn't be refilled by anyone.

"Luffy?"

Luffy was ripped out of his thoughts, blinking rapidly to come back to the present. He didn't even try to smile as he replied, "Yeah?"

"... wanna talk about it?"

Luffy wiped away the tear that escaped his eye. He slowly turned around to face his first mate, and looked. And that's when he knew-

… he wouldn't want anyone to fill the part of his lost brothers. No one could replace them and it would only dishonor the memories he had of them. He didn't want anyone acting up and playing Ace just to help him get a brother again. As frustrating and depressing as it was; as much as it made Luffy wanna scream and drove him up a wall in pure devastation... those times when he was a little brother were over. He was sad but he wasn't broken anymore and because he was too stubborn to give up he had somehow come to terms with it. There were some things in life you just couldn't change.

Sometimes, you're powerless, and sometimes you just lose and that was okay. Sometimes, you have to let go. Because that's how things have always worked, that's just the way the world and everything was. Losing was just part of life even if it _sucked_.

But Luffy always made sure to treasure everything he'd gained so far as well, and that's what kept him smiling.

"... Zoro, wanna sit next to me?" Luffy finally answered. Zoro seemed a little surprised for a split second, before he simply nodded, face set in a stoic expression as always. The night was clear and beautiful, and it was silent and dark and just perfect as they sat there, side by side.

They sat there for a long time, shoulders touching and eyes firmly on the night sky. No sound was made, and Zoro knew it wasn't his turn to talk but to listen now. And Zoro was patient and continued to wait, because sometimes silence was golden.

When Luffy started talking, the rest of the crew began to gather around them; one by one sat down in front or behind them. Someone brought blankets and pillows, and soon they were all huddled together in a tent made of white and fluffy warmth.

As Luffy sat there and wondered what he did to deserve such wonderful friends, he thought he caught a whiff of his brothers' smells. He blinked and looked around.

A smile like a ghost, but pure and earnest nonetheless as he realized-

-he was the one running in front now.

_'I can't follow them anymore, but... they're following me now.' _

**YXYXYXYXYXYXY**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :-) **

**~Neko11**


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